“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end.”
— Elizabeth Wurtzel (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
This pretty much sums me up. I’m the youngest of 4 kids and just strive to do so much more than what they have settled for in their own lives. 

On the flip side, why do I have to “plan” out my life and get pissed when it doesn’t work out like I THINK it should? I quit my job at the beginning of summer, went to Vegas, and was going to help a family friend paint her house. I was under the impression it wouldn’t take more than a few weeks, since I was basically unemployed. 

Fast forward 4 months, and we are just finishing up the house and I have passed on so many job opportunities to keep my word and help with this house. Her OCD has turned it into a bit of a nightmare. Who honestly puts 4 coats of paint on a ceiling? Working out is out of the question and has been for some time. Nothing is going how I think it should. 

In June, I “planned” out my entire year. I was going to quit my job, go to Vegas the next day, paint for a few weeks, my seasonal job would end around August, so I would find a “real” job and be moved out and on my own by September. I wanted to go back to Vegas in December. I need to figure out who I am, find balance in my life, and go back to school as soon as I can…but that wouldn’t happen until I was on my own. 
As we all know, today is October 14 and the only thing I get done is job hunting on various sites 5 times a day and nothing. Today I was basically told that a few positions I’ve been applying for won’t call me back, so I have to call them. They sound about as fun as the weight I’m gaining from being so stressed out all the time.

This pretty much sums me up. I’m the youngest of 4 kids and just strive to do so much more than what they have settled for in their own lives.

On the flip side, why do I have to “plan” out my life and get pissed when it doesn’t work out like I THINK it should? I quit my job at the beginning of summer, went to Vegas, and was going to help a family friend paint her house. I was under the impression it wouldn’t take more than a few weeks, since I was basically unemployed.

Fast forward 4 months, and we are just finishing up the house and I have passed on so many job opportunities to keep my word and help with this house. Her OCD has turned it into a bit of a nightmare. Who honestly puts 4 coats of paint on a ceiling? Working out is out of the question and has been for some time. Nothing is going how I think it should.

In June, I “planned” out my entire year. I was going to quit my job, go to Vegas the next day, paint for a few weeks, my seasonal job would end around August, so I would find a “real” job and be moved out and on my own by September. I wanted to go back to Vegas in December. I need to figure out who I am, find balance in my life, and go back to school as soon as I can…but that wouldn’t happen until I was on my own.
As we all know, today is October 14 and the only thing I get done is job hunting on various sites 5 times a day and nothing. Today I was basically told that a few positions I’ve been applying for won’t call me back, so I have to call them. They sound about as fun as the weight I’m gaining from being so stressed out all the time.

I discovered this book while house sitting for my aunt. I think it should be retitled, “Cooking delicious “real” food for dummies.” Not one bad looking recipe and full of information.

I discovered this book while house sitting for my aunt. I think it should be retitled, “Cooking delicious “real” food for dummies.” Not one bad looking recipe and full of information.

Back To Basics

I downloaded my Tumblr app again. I kind of fell off the wagon, I haven’t been run over yet, just conscious (bad) eating and less working out.

I have done a lot of soul searching lately and Tumblr is kind of my accountability/place where people understand my struggle and don’t want to know how many pounds I have lost because there is more to life than a number on the scale.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to get back on track. I need to clean up my eating, drink LOTS more wafer and do Insanity Month 2 again and try to find “normal.”

Can we just take a minute and look at my view this past weekend? Spent the weekend in Vegas and did all sorts of “touristy” things! Life is so good right now, friends! More on that later. Oh, and HELLOOO size L polo!

Can we just take a minute and look at my view this past weekend? Spent the weekend in Vegas and did all sorts of “touristy” things! Life is so good right now, friends! More on that later. Oh, and HELLOOO size L polo!

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole life fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
— F.Scott Fitzgerald (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

Or when they look back and realize it has started the process.

I despise everything about the word “selfie,” but you guys, HELLO size L bathroom selfie!? My birthday is tomorrow and I could not be more proud of myself and everything that I have accomplished since January. I have spent the past few months reflecting on all aspects of my life, more on that later, but just had to share my happiness! I have been buying a lot of size large and have been wearing it all week and couldn’t be happier! I still have a ways to go, but it’s a huge accomplishment for me!

I despise everything about the word “selfie,” but you guys, HELLO size L bathroom selfie!? My birthday is tomorrow and I could not be more proud of myself and everything that I have accomplished since January. I have spent the past few months reflecting on all aspects of my life, more on that later, but just had to share my happiness! I have been buying a lot of size large and have been wearing it all week and couldn’t be happier! I still have a ways to go, but it’s a huge accomplishment for me!

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits - anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
— Kim McMillen (via auberginesheets)

Yup.

(Source: yagazieemezi, via ironphenix)